Dementia Care with Attitude

“Embrace Their Reality.” This is Rachael Wonderlin’s best-known, soon-to-be trademarked approach to dementia care. For Rachael, founder and owner of Dementia By Day, positive communication is essential to caring for those with dementia, but in a way that hasn’t traditionally been advised.

Often, caregivers and family members of individuals living with dementia are given the advice to simply “validate,” or “redirect or distract.” In Rachael’s opinion, doing so is only trying to force a reality on someone that is not true for them. This is where her “embrace their reality” approach comes into play. A few experiences with patients in particular affirmed Rachael’s realization of how leaning into a patient’s reality could be more beneficial than arguing with them.

Her favorite example to share is of a resident whose son had died a few years prior. She began asking Rachael where her son was, forgetting that he had passed away. Instead of breaking this news to the resident, Rachael asked where she thought her son might be. The resident took a minute and said he might be at work and asked to give him a call. Rachael let her leave her son a message, and the resident expressed how much better it made her feel.

Although this method might feel like “lying” to your family member or a resident, it ultimately allows you to validate their feelings and redirect the conversation in a way that is much less likely to upset them. The truth of their reality is different from yours, so choosing their reality instead of yours is ultimately healthier, safer and kinder.

Unlike the stereotypical college student, Rachael chose to study gerontology and graduated with a master’s from UNC Greensboro in 2014. After graduating, Rachael launched a blog entitled “Dementia By Day” while beginning her career as a dementia care program manager at a Brookdale community in North Carolina. She quickly acquired stories about her day-to-day work, and it wasn’t long before people started asking her to write them down. These stories ultimately formed her first book, “When Someone You Know is Living in a Dementia Care Community,” which was published in 2016 by Johns Hopkins University Press. Today, it remains the only one on the market about moving someone to a dementia care community.

Rachael continued working in dementia care communities for the next several years and in her spare time she continued writing. She also started a YouTube channel, realizing that there was a major gap in the knowledge base about transitioning a person into a dementia care community.

Then the worst happened, Rachael was laid off. But as she thought about beginning the hunt for a new job, she realized that she wanted to pursue a different path. She took the time to embrace the opportunity for a fresh start and decided to finally take the leap and turn her blog, book and experiences into her own business. Now, she works with senior living providers to help them build their own dementia-care programs based on her philosophy of “Embrace Their Reality.”

Rachael offers her expertise in a variety of ways, conforming to the best fit for any given dementia care community. At the most basic level, Rachael’s website has a downloadable, 15-minute video for staff training. For those looking for more guidance, Rachael offers a Bootstrap Bundle for facilities looking to improve their programs on their own with some added help, as well as in-person consultations.

The ways in which Rachael is serving her community are a testament to the mission of UNCG’s gerontology program: to teach, apply and create gerontological knowledge through collaborative relationships with academic disciplines, community organizations and businesses to enrich the lives of older adults and their families.

“Without my MS in Gerontology, I wouldn’t have been able to write my book, and the book has been huge for my career. I knew I needed a master’s to really make a difference in my field.”

We are proud of alumni like Rachael and the work they do to better the communities around them.

For more information on Rachael and her business, Dementia By Day, visit https://rachaelwonderlin.com/.

For more information on University of North Carolina Greensboro’s Gerontology program, visit https://gerontology.wp.uncg.edu/.